A day to remember

So.  My sister is getting married today. I don’t really have time to write about it, but since it is likely going to be one of the most important days of her life and one I will remember as well, I thought I might document that the occasion happened, at least with a paragraph or two.

Because – the reason I am continuing this blog is exactly that…to document my thoughts and experiences. I couldn’t honestly care less if anyone followed my blog or not, although I am happy to see that the readership is going up again. I am doing it for myself and for the family that I hope to have some day.  That is, for the kids and the grandkids, and so on.

I would have loved to be able to read the thoughts of my grandfather or great-grandfather if I could. More than that, it is about leaving a mark in history. You and I are just a blip compared to the big picture. Bill Clinton, still a blip, but a slightly larger one.

What I’m getting at is that I think that I have found my “purpose” in this life. Besides getting the most out of it myself, it is to make a positive and authentic impact on other peoples’ lives. And the epitome of that would for me being finding my soulmate. Not to say that i believe in certain people being MADE for each other – really, it’s just random – but I believe that two people can BECOME made for each other by way of being there for one another unconditionally.

Now, there are many things that I could say about marriage and more importantly about the companionship that is behind the institution. To me, the most beautiful thing in this world is when two people can work out living with each other, and continue to love each other, in the long run. Yes, I am a hopeless romantic, although it is, in the end, far from being the most defining part of who I am. My unravelling dark sides seem to get in the way of that.

But unfortunately, most people seem to find unconditional love difficult to achieve. That people stay married for 20, 30, or 40 years does not necessarily mean that their marriage fulfills them.

So, as I celebrate this great day when my sister got (gets) married, I also take a solemn moment to ponder about the difficulty of finding true, unconditional love. Because, frankly, I am not sure if I have ever (maybe once or twice) met a couple who lived up to the (unconditional) conditions that I am looking to meet.

Now, I know that most people would say that they have the same goals as I do, but I also know that most stop short of them. They settle. So on this great day, on which love is celebrated, I make the vow not to settle. I have met girls that were right for me, but I was not right for them. And…it takes two to tango. So to speak.

So, good luck to all and cheers!

J.

Letting go and giving in

Earlier today I allowed myself to spend a little while going through some of the correspondences I have had with a girlfriend of mine during our time together. And let’s just leave it at that. No reason to get personal. Now, spending time thinking about your ex is just about the stupidest thing you can do, but in my here case it proved somewhat useful.

Useful, first of all, because I am done wallowing over the whole ordeal. Things are what they, are and sooner or later you have to let go. Some are lucky enough to find their true love while working hard enough to keep things together – until death do them part. Others are not. Most of us should be lucky to get something in between.

So, today I’ve been in a particular reflective and sentimental, kind of uplifted mood. I’ve had a beer, but sometimes that is what it takes. So I felt the urge to look a bit into how things went by, because, honestly, it’s all a bit blurry to me now. I remember the good times and the bad times, and the times in between, but at the end of it you are usually left with a diluted impression once things are over.

I don’t think either part in a split, that being between friends or between lovers, truly see the course of what happened as it actually did. Self-delusion, after all, is what humanity does best. And amen to that! Or something of the sorts.

So as painful as it was to do, I went through a whole lot of our messages. I’m thankful to have them, actually. Nothing speaks the truth like written words. They are right there on the paper, after all.

As is it, however, the words that once upon a time came from my head and went down on the paper, well they aren’t want I’d wanted them to be. I like to think of myself as an eloquent fellow, but in this story I surely wasn’t. Heck, I should be glad if I was anywhere near to being understandable.

So as I was saying, I’ve been looking through notes and messages concerning this one girl. A lot of the earlier messages have put a grin on my face and a happy feeling is rushing through my veins as I am writing this. Maybe it’s a combination of the beer and the music as well.

It‘s a cool yet somehow tragic experience to see how much she really cared. In the beginning that is. I wouldn’t venture as far as to say that she was in love; because I probably made it hard for her to even reach that stage from the get go, but care she did. Anyhow, whether or not there is a bit of wishful thinking on my part, this is how I’ll remember this little tale many years from now, when I’m old and gray, god forbid it, stuck somewhere in a home.

Things, however, changed, slowly but steadily. She asked me a lot of personal questions. A lot of them are taken out of context because we communicated across different platforms. But I can see that many of the answers I gave were vague.

She was always positive and caring. I was negative, and cold and worst of all, I gave idiotic and diminutive answers that weren’t worthy of a proper dialogue. At some point she even asked me about where I saw this going and if we had a future together. It is painful to look back at the unfulfilling replies I made.

I will never know what thoughts were behind her half of our conversations but I shall continue to imagine that what I read of it now is what she wanted to communicate. There’s a great satisfaction in being able to understand; even when it is too late to matter. Though it does matter. In the general sense of it.

I know now that I slowly killed whatever feelings she had for me. I did not go into that relationship with the goal of staying with her in the long run, and that is the truth. Once she grew on me and I declared my everlasting faithfulness, my problems had been hanging like a big shadow over our relationship for a while. A change of heart as the one I had, is bound to be seen as insincere and untrustworthy.

If you do not give what you get, you end up finding yourself getting what you gave; which may not have been very much at all.

You may quote me on that one!

Some people I know are like that to a rather further extent than I am; which is not to say that I feel better than them or anything, although, actually, it would be a lie to say that I don’t, so yeah I do. Now that I’m being all honest here. But it’s a matter of having the right reasons for being rightful: integrity, honor, and love. In this wicked world of ours you are judged by your actions, and nothing else.

Luckily, though, I have been blessed with very giving women in my life, even at this state of delusion and self-hatred that I’ve been in. Thanks people. You are great.

To cut myself off, I guess my point is (and there is always a point) that if one want love one needs to be willing to love. Not lust…or need, but love. L.O.V.E. There is no shortcut to happiness. In my time I have witnessed far too many people trying to take the shortcut. They do not care about morals or dignity; they don’t care about the things that really matter. And I’ve taken the shortcut. I’ve lost my dignity. I’ve forgotten the things that really matter.

But you live and you learn. And there’s another day. Two, actually. One for letting go; one for giving in. Letting go i did. Giving in, not yet.

As they said:

You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes you might find you get what you need.

Peace and love

The Gonzo Anthropologist

My 5 meetings of today

Today I had 5 meetings.

One was for love.

One was for opportunity.

One was for for friendship.

One was for dreams.

One was for reconciliation.

My 5 meetings were with my best friend, my new friend, my ex girlfriend, a girl I just met, and my mother. Now THAT is a riddle that no one can answer.

Sleep tight all,

Mr. A. Gonzo

Confessions of an (internet) addict

Recently, I’ve been trying to truly admit to myself that I am a person conflicted by many personal issues, and that these issues are things that I have to do something about. I am hence resurrecting my blog with the underlying objective of being able to truly accept who I am by way of letting others in on the dirty little secrets. Moreover, I am confident (no, I KNOW) that I share a number of these issues with a great deal of my fellow human beings (you included). Therefore, I have faith in the idea that MY thoughts can be useful to the potential readers out there.

Yes. The gonzo anthropologist is back, maybe not for good, (because, honestly, who gives a damn about blogs these days) but for the time being I consider blogging a vice superior to many of the other that I carry within my flesh and bones.

So, it’s been quite easy, frankly, for myself and others to notice the many personal issues I have. Because, well, they tend to affect my everyday life and relationships to other people to an extent, that is becoming appalling to me. Now, objectively, things might not be all that bad. I sure as hell know that other people in my surroundings have plenty more issues than I have, and I am thankful to have been dealt a hand with which I can actually do something actively to improve my situation.

Among my top-10 issues are self-interest/self-loathing (these things often seem to go together), an extreme need to please others, and…drinking too much. And I’m not talking about apple juice. All of these issues and others have ruined otherwise budding relationships to a number of wonderful women that I loved and cherished and wanted to build a future with.

Sadly, I cannot blame any of my women for skedaddling out of the picture as soon as they could. While ALL of my girlfriends have had a wealth of serious issues of their own, THEY did not constantly bother ME with these issues in the same manner that I bothered THEM with mine.

On a positive note, I have learned to “love”, well, appreciate at least, okay, live with, things that truly annoyed me. Some of those things I actually DID/DO love, but that’s a bit personal, for now. I, however, continued to focus one-sidedly on my own issues, which is, frankly, ironic since that is also what I am doing with this here blog.

Lesson learned: We should always strive to take an honest, selfless, and authentic interest in friends, family and lovers; and, perhaps, in complete strangers as well. And show them that we value them by offering our opinions on their issues, and by ourselves taking initiatives to bond with them.

That out of the way, I actually wanted to share my thoughts on internet addiction/procrastination. It seems to me that people are more and more online these days. If not in front of their laptop or desktop screens, then, on their smartphones or tablets.

I know that Facebook and many other sites have truly been a negative in my own life. The short of it being that I am constantly checking for updates, and it is keeping my attention away from more valuable things to do, like writing, reading, playing the guitar, hanging with friends, or even watching television. I can’t imagine being  the only one finding myself constantly shifting my attention between the internet browser and the media player window. How did our attention span get so short? Hell, if I freakin’ know.

Now, I’m not about to start a crusade against social media. I think most of us NEED Facebook. It is a practical way of staying in touch with a larger number of people than one otherwise could, as well as a good way of keeping up on what others are currently doing. So far so good.

However, I must say that I enjoy private messaging a lot more than posting and commenting on people’s walls. Public posting is good when people have something relevant (keyword: relevant!) and personal to share, (like a video that they TRULY would want others to check out) but most of the time I’ve found it to be nothing but forthright down and dirty attention seeking behavior.

Private messaging, however, is about having real and honest relations with the counterpart. When there is no public to hear ones thoughts there is less of a need to play charades, put on masks, or do things with the purpose of manipulating the opinions others might have of you.

99% of people will not admit this, but we are ALL trying to do this. Why? Because we want other people to like us. That is stressful, and that is why Facebook is particularly stressful of all the means of social communications that exit: because it’s an inherently public scene.

So my number one lesson about Facebook is this: It is useful but only in smaller doses. It should not take attention away from more important and REAL things in your life. If you find yourself “hanging out” on Facebook more than an hour a day, I’d suggest you have a problem. Heck, I just admitted that I have, so how hard is it to admit that! (Apparently very hard).

Well, so I’m going to abruptly stop this post here. It’s taken up an hour of my time (which is the limit that I have set for myself). And…gotten twice as long as I’d like it to be. With all of this talk about attention, I know that you have to be able to offer value to conquer people’s time, and in this day and age, you have to be able to condense that value into the shortest space possible. That’s the game.

If you’ve gotten as far as this, you must have found an even remote interest in the things I have to say. Thanks! And if you’ve gotten this far, I invite you to read my next post as well. Thank you very much. Talk to ya’all later.

Yours sincerely

The gonzo Anthropologist.

My sunday morning thoughts on the social individual

One often wonders whether people really change as they grow older, if they merely change the way they present themselves, or if they don’t really change that much at all. A related question is how we are supposed to define an individual. What makes up and separates one person from another?

I think we all have some idea of ourselves as being this entity, say ‘Jakob’, as an example. But what is this Jakob character anyway? For a big part of it I think that there exist some essence of our inner being that is continuous and that develops and growths as we learn new things. But we are also what others want us to be.

Think of your high school reunion. You are such a different person now, but nonetheless you, and anyone else from you class, will likely fall back into roles of old. In my personal experience it’s always like that when you meet people whom you haven’t seen for a long, long time. You can’t seem to grasp that they have had as many life changing experiences since then as you had yourself.

The reason, I think, is that individuals are made up dialectically in relation to their world and those other beings that they interrelate with in that world. If we were not to put things in boxes our world would be much more of a chaos than it already is to us. So while such a thing as a person is a complex category, we have to have somewhat constant perceptions of others in order to relate to them.

However, I am happy to find that I am actually growing, along with the people around me, and when I think about it, noticing the small but significant changes that they also go through. I think the way we change come down to the fact that we subliminally reevaluate what aspects of our identity which are most important as we move from milieu to milieu.

As I grow older I’ve also noticed that my urge to be what others expect of me has fallen. What I really learned was that others are too occupied with themselves and how others view them to expect anything of me. In other words, we try to present ourselves in ways that we think others will like instead of focusing on our own desires.

Last week I ordered my first pair of glasses. Now, I’ve probably had worsening vision for the last four or five years, but my inhibition to see myself as a glass-wearing person stopped me from making the vital decision to make my whole experience of the world so much better by being able to see it in a clear perspective.

Now I care less about what others might think and more about my new-found ability to see hot chicks from a distance – because others don’t care if I have glasses or not. Do I care if my best friend has glasses? No, so why would anyone else care about me having them? Again, it comes down to us all being too caught up in ourselves to actually care about others.

I know that it is not popular to say that people, in general, are self-centered, but that is how it is.  How could we ever be anything than the center of our own lives?

I guess I didn’t really have a purpose with this post to set out with, but as it moved along I have come to the conclusion that the point of the day is that we should try to do those things that are really going to be best for us; not just those that make us popular among others. In all instances, others are going to have their particular understanding of you and the things that you do anyway, and you will not be able to affect it in an entirely positive way, so let’s care a little less. Let’s not try to present a perfected version of ourselves in foras like Facebook. Let’s be who we are a little more – with the good, as well as the bad sides.

That’s it for now, take care, bye, bye, see you all later!

Jake

Maybe autobiographical writing isn’t that bad after all?

Hi guys. I am going to go out on a limb here and start sharing my thoughts a bit more.

Lately I’ve been reading David Sedaris’ autobiographical books. I truly recommend them. He mostly writes about his upbringing with four sisters, and also a lot about him being gay and his adult life in general. Well, neither am I gay or do I have four sisters, but I share his passion for writing, it’s just that I never seem to get any of it done.

But like Sedaris I grew up with siblings, a fact that I have gotten to love at this stage of my life. I have a younger sister that I am very fond of, even though it weren’t always like that. I also have an older brother. My sister is about two years younger than I am and my brother is four years older. Because of that I was always closer to my sister than to my brother, but we always had an estranged relationship nonetheless.

I was the jealous older brother for a huge part of my life. As you know, girls seem to get out there and do stuff earlier than guys do. On top of that I was a slow starter in many ways myself, so she did a lot of things before I did, or at the same time.

I remember her having her first boyfriend when she was about 12, I think. I was 14 then and hadn’t even kissed a girl yet – neither was I to do so before a long time had passed, but that story some other time. He was a year older than I was and a boy that I had been a boy scout with. When they started dating I remembered him from scouting as being kind of a bully type, but then again, maybe that was just what I wanted to believe of him.

I wanted to think that he was a jerk. Maybe has was a little bit, though. Because, that is how it is for teenagers. It’s no wonder that girls weren’t interested in the shy guys who spend their time at the local computer café. That were practically all the guys in the class that I followed from primary to secondary school. It must have been tough for the girls having to deal with such a crowd.

Our school had two classes of each year. Ours was called the A’s; the other one the B’s – not that it has anything to do with the American grading system. It hasn’t. The B’s were where the cool kids went. In many ways maybe that made me feel inferior during those years.

When I finished the 9^th grade at age 15 I decided to spend one year on a typical Danish boarding school, away from my family and everything. That became a fresh start, but one that kind of introduced me to the lifestyle that I have battled with since then.

I badly wanted to be cool. You know, most schools have different social groups. There are the nerds, which I of course already knew too well what was about. There was the popular girls; the fat and ugly girls (sorry that is how it is); the popular guys; the down to earth musician types. And a lot more.

Then I weren’t one to speak up a lot , but I didn’t want to continue being the way that I had been during the past nine years, so I started to hang out with those who smoked weed. In effect, those people were also former nerds, I think, so it didn’t really change our social status much, but we thought of it as cool to smoke. There’s a kid for you!

When I moved on to what is kind of high school, kind of college, a year later, I got even more into these things and my habits only grew larger until I started university at age 20. The first couple of years there I smoked even more. Then, when I had finished a bachelor degree in prehistoric archaeology and cultural anthropology I started to grow a bit up – In some ways. I many ways I’m still the small kid that bullied his sister; the guy with the low self esteem.

But now I am also a guy who’s done a lot with his life so far. I look back on my travels with a wide smile on my face. I think of my many friends with deep pleasure. The passions that I have developed for literature, music, art, movies, etc. And I’m ready to give writing a shot. For the past five years I’ve started many novels – now, I think, it would be better just to get going and write. So my dear reader: write I shall, and I hope you will read.

Yours sincerely,

Jake



Decline and fall; rise and shine

A long time has gone since I last wrote here. And my life has been a whirlwind since 2009. A million things have happened that I – it seems – weren’t ready to share until now. I moved to Peru, traveled the country as well as Bolivia extensively. I’ve been to jungles, mountains, deserts, a salt flat – you name it. It was great.

But I also did a lot of stupid things along the way. Worst of was compromising my health. A few months back, after having returned to my lovely Denmark, I started writing here again, but then a random visit to the doctor turned my view of myself upside down. After extensive blood tests, a colonoscopy and a range of other tests I was diagnosed with Colitis Ulserosa in the whole of my colon. I shall not go into the details of the disease (this is a family friendly blog after all) other than saying that it has a severe effect on your bowel movements.

The diagnosis was a shock to me although I had symptoms for a long while before I actually got the diagnosis. I was now a ‘patient’ – treated by official society as ‘sick’. Before that I had felt like superman because of all the things I did in the span of just a year. How could I ever be one of those people who are so unfortunate to be struck of disease? I reality, I should consider myself lucky that this is all that has happened so far.

The whole ordeal naturally put a damper on my mood. The first week after diagnosis I didn’t feel like leaving my home. All I could do was sit at the computer and read all the miserable stories from other people with the disease that I found on the internet. I then decided that I had had enough.

In Denmark we have a saying of ‘not crying over spilt milk’. That means to suck it up and move on with life. And so, I did. I’m still in the process of getting checked for tons of different things. For one, my liver count looks wrong, so I am getting an MRI scan, but I’m quite sure that it’s nothing that I won’t be able to cope with. Thanks to all the wonderful doctors doing a fantastic job with me and those that are much worse off (such as Christopher Hitchens, whom I admire, and whom has been diagnosed with cancer).

Then, a few weeks ago I started on medication and it only took one week for my system to recover – that is, I don’t have any symptoms anymore, but I will still have to live with the medicine for a long time. Maybe a few years or something like that.

So today I’m ready to get on with being awesome. I look at the disease as a slight bump in the road towards greatness. Most importantly, though, I know that I shouldn’t think of it as completely over and just begin again where I left off. For a long time to come I am taking a number of precautions that my body deserves. I completely stopped drinking coffee and feel fresher, more awake than ever. Soda is limited, fast-food is out.  Exercise in.

It is great to appreciate my body fully for the first time. For the first time it and I have a relationship in which we agree on how to treat each other. I keep it healthy and it keeps me happy. As I think I shall write about another time, I used to smoke hash a lot a long time ago, but let me tell you this: a good run makes you much higher than drugs ever would!

It’s great! I am very happy for the many chances I took while in South America, and they, together with my disease, has taught me that one must take chances as often as possible. Doing so will inevitably involve downfalls, pitfalls, and bad decisions. But the worst decision is not to do anything about wishes one has for life. Passion is the first word in my dictionary, as it should be in yours. May you all be healthy, have luck in love and life, and continue to read my upcoming posts!

Yours sincerely,

The Gonzo Anthropologist…

…Jacob

30,000 days on earth – more or less of course

Did you know that the average human lifespan in our day and age is somewhere around 30.000 days? If you are lucky enough, you’ll live around 40.000 days, but then you will have to look after your diet. This, however, is nothing compared to the age of our planet, which is around 4.54 billion years, a number not quite comprehensible to our brain, although even this number shrinks in comparison to the age of the known universe which is, by a good estimate, 13.75 billion years old. Suddenly 30.000 days doesn’t seem of that much, does it?

Indeed it isn’t. For example, how fast did the last week pass by? Or the last month? Or year perhaps? I think we – by far – underestimate the time we have between cradle and grave. We seem not to be valuing it enough.  Because if we did, wouldn’t we follow our dreams more assertively than we do? Would we just make do with what we have because we are afraid of losing it if we took a leap of chance? In all instances, life is lost anyway as the time passes by, unconcerned with our dissatisfaction of it doing so.

My favorite example as of lately of why people should think one or two times more about their decisions, big and small, is what people tend to tell me when I talk about my extensive travels this past year. The first thing they say is always something like ‘wow, that’s amazing, you are so lucky!’, or something to that effect. It makes me feel that I took a wise decision, but I also wonder why people always think that people who travel a lot are lucky.

So I tend to ask them why they don’t get out there and travel themselves. The response always has something to do with ‘having this job that I can’t lose’, or ‘I can’t leave my family or friends for that long’. Well, if you are good enough there will always be another job when you return, and in any case such things seem to work out most of the time. And not “being able” to travel a year or so is not an excuse of say not going at it for a month instead.

The next thing that usually happens, and that happened both times I returned home after a long trip, is that people will very quickly stop being interested in your travels. Why is that? I mean, you were bound to have experienced some of the most amazing things that our planet has to offer; seen some of the most interesting cultures around.

I think this is the exact reason people are not interested. They don’t want (want is not the right word because it is likely a mental process that we are not aware of) to consider your life that much more adventurous than theirs. This is most common in humans. We make up tons of excuses why something would not be worthwhile doing anyway to feel good about our, often poorly made decisions. I myself know this fact too well…alas.

I find that it helps philosophizing about the insignificance of m own life in the big picture. In this way only I can give it meaning, and indeed, from a starting point, it only has meaning to me – well…and hopefully my parents also. Of course, if I work for it, it could be meaningful to other people as well. If you would ask me the all-important question of ‘what is the most important thing in life?’ I would answer that it is to be something for someone else and let them be something for you.

It’s harder than it sounds, though. How many of your friends are really close friends? A phenomenon like Facebook sadly shows (in my opinion) that we tend to have more and more ‘friends’ these days, but not a lot of very personal relationships. Being able to communicate with lots of folks on the internet and through texting is swell and all that, but seeing and being deeply attached to people seem to be quite underrated these days. What I am getting at is that I would rather mean a lot to a few than little to many.

So why are we so occupied with things like television, computer and other asocial, no antisocial activities? It might just be that it is simply easier than investing in close relationships with other human beings. I love TV and I love computer though, in fact there is nothing better than watching my favorite show with friends (and in this season the world cup) or playing a good multiplayer match on the computer, I think. Well…other than spending quality time with a woman that I care about. Nothing beats that!

So to conclude, I might just work a bit harder on my relationships with people I care about; and I might just take a few more chances than my fears would like me to. After all, I might only have around 20.000 days left to live – and that is, in the big picture of it all, not much, is it?

Rollerskater rambles – on the height of my life

2009 was a great year for me on a personal level. Having set out a bunch of goals in early January, I ended up learning a new language (Spanish) in less than half a year. I spend 6 months working in Peru (that is where I learned Spanish), this stay being my first time to call another country than my native Denmark home since I lived in Canada as a kid.

I also significantly improved my social skills. While I am naturally a shy person (especially around people that already know me) I have been able to talk to thousands of people, much more than most do, over the last year.  This unsurprisingly also heightened my success with women, because obviously you will get more action by actually talking to ‘them’ than by standing in the corner with the mysterious look on (which was what I tried to do beforehand).

However, so far it hasn’t been amounting to any long-term success, meaning meeting someone serious. I actually have met girls – there was especially one – that in my eyes was perfect for me, but my own self-esteem is still not high enough to get there.

But all in all, 2009 was incredible and I am very happy with my speedy progress in different areas of life. And now to 2010, of which almost half is already over.

***

This year I have set a couple of interrelated goals that are hard, but considering what I got done last year, very achievable. They basically all amount to one thing: getting in shape.

Recently, as a means of achieving that goal, I started roller-skating, and in fact I have just returned home after my longest run so far (10 Km). But what is this ‘getting in shape’ business really all about? What is it I want to achieve by this?

1) Increasing physical health

Not surprisingly this one is on the top of my list. Most of my live I have been a far too inactive, unhealthy sort of person and now as I am 25 it is due time to change this. I might be painting a not entirely correct image here as I actually was a physical active kid (sort of) during my childhood. I was a boy scout; I went to a gymnastics boarding school; I played handball for a while.

But none of these activities was truly that physical, at least not for a long time (the boarding school was only a year and the handball only a few). This was topped with smoking a bunch of grass for quite a few years until I stopped (kind of) when I was 23. So if I want to grow old and not be in a wheelchair now is the time to start getting physical.

2) Increasing mental health

Actually, not only do I want to keep myself from the wheelchair; I also would like to be mentally fresh when I’m old. Alzheimer’s disease runs in my family and so I’m a bit precarious about that. And the great thing about increasing mental health is that it can also be done through exercise. Yeah, now I got two benefits from one thing.

Maybe as an aftereffect of all that grass, I have had a swinging mood, at times depression, over the last years. Enough studies has “proven” that working out can increase mood, view on life, and general everyday happiness that I trust that this is true. So, so far I’m getting in good shape and becoming insanely happy, just from roller-skating. Oh joy!

3) Increasing cognitive abilities

Next there are the cognitive abilities which might really just be an extension of nr. 2. The blogs title having anthropology in it, you guessed right: I am an anthropologist. However, I am only just about to finish my thesis so I’m very far from as good anthropologist at this point. People seldom are when they are starting out, and I was far from it because until only a few years ago I didn’t have any interest in reading or getting smarter whatsoever.

So the skating is great for this as well. But it’s not all unfortunately. A good health only provides the possibility for getting smarter; you don’t actually get smarter by it. Look at all those gym type of guys you see so often, my guess is that most would never open a book to say it mildly.

I myself am still a very lazy person and I’m not very good at allocating my time properly. I watch too much TV, sit too much at the computer, and read too little.

So far I’m improving well though. I only follow a few programs and I work every day at least 4-5 hours (including breaks). Over the last 2 years I’ve been reading about 50 books that are not work-related a year or about 1 book a week. I’ve been slacking a bit off on this one lately but it’s time to get back to that now.

Reading is great. Some might excuse themselves with being too busy to read. And that is possible. If you go out more than 3-4 times (for coffee, diner, to town etc.) with friends a week you wouldn’t have time to read. The solution to that would be to cut a bit down on the “fun” and enjoy some other fun with a cup of lemonade and some music on the stereo (yes, I’m still taking about reading, but doing the other thing you are now thinking about is nice as well…very nice).

So I’m finishing up my thesis this year. Therefore the whole deal with increasing my cognitive skills. Besides – looking into and understanding new things is always fun.

4) Increasing evolutionary fitness

Lastly (though there might be other stuff I forgot) there is the evolutionary fitness. Really this just means that I would like to date someone on a long term for once which have not been easy beforehand because of several things. Actually because me always (well often then) being in bad mood, me being in bad shape, and me being a bit dumb.

Everyone wants smart, healthy and happy, interesting boy- or girlfriends so it’s a no-brainer that working on all of the above will help one here as well. I am quite picky myself wanting a sweet, smart, and beautiful girl so you got to offer what you want in return. Tit for tat they say, but that’s a complete other subject.

Also – i should be happy if friends are not reading this (ha ha..) – but i want children at some point. Being a parent should be the most amazing thing ever and there is no reason to come up with excuses – i think everyone wants children. Prove me wrong:-)

***

In conclusion its great seeing all those wonderful results from last year’s work and moving forward this year. It’s not easy but it’s something we can all do. Also I hope that you enjoyed this article. When I write for this blog there is only two things that are important to me: getting some personal experiences in there and hopefully ending up with being able to give some advice on some level. I hope I am achieving that and good weekend to all!

Cheers

JST

(Me at the Bolivian altiplano desert, April 2010)

Irrational man Part One – Love

Peer pressure (conforming to group norms) has for a long time been one explanation for much of our behavior as human beings. And rightly so a great deal of our behavior is affected by the way we think other people view us and our actions. Recent, exiting research on mirror neurons (basically how the brain works) seems to affirm a view like this. And it can be quite elevating to engage in activities that we know our peers enjoy as well. Indeed, in my view, the most giving friendships and relationships are those were the persons involved care for each other because of the values and interests they share.

But in trying to navigate the difficult world of interrelations we often seem to hold to much back on our deepest desires so that others might not think of us as crazy. The things is that what does it matter what the world thinks? Why should we not get the most out of the time we have here and seek out what we truly want? People make up lots of irrational reasons for not doing so.

***

Why would I – if I was truly rational – hold back the feelings that I harbor? A maybe not so common known fact is that we cannot choose who to love. And how great that it is like that. Love is a gift that sometimes gnaws into the bone – it can be a mania that you try to escape from. ‘Why am I always thinking of this guy’ you’ll say. ‘Why can’t I turn this off’ you think to yourself. It’s a drug that can make you high, bring you down, make you feel embarrassed towards your friends so that when they ask you about your feelings you’ll lie and make up excuses. ’Him..? I’m over him. I am. HONESTLY’, you say as your friends – who know you only too good – gaze at you with skeptical looks on their faces.

And maybe, as glasses of wine go down, you and your friends’ favorite song plays on the stereo, the conversation gets more passionate. The topic turns more and more to something most women frankly enjoy talking about: things like the cute guy at the post office. Was he really that cute? Opinions are shared and smiles and laughs are more and more frequent as the conversation moves on.

Suddenly your thoughts fall back on this guy that you don’t want to think about. You find yourself falling a bit out of the conversation because you get too preoccupied with thinking about why you are thinking about him and, of course, your girlfriends notice this. ‘What are you thinking about?’ they ask you. ‘Nothing’ you say and shrug your shoulders.

But of course they see through you. ‘It’s that guy!’ they say and send you a huge smile. You don’t answer. ‘Ha ha, I knew!’ they say. ‘You are so obvious!’ and you are, because they know you better than you know yourself. Friends fortunately do. That’s why it’s so great having them.

Finally you admit. ‘What should I do?’ you ask them in despair. They give you lots of good advice but in the end there is still that fear that will probably keep you from doing anything about it. Next time its girl’s night out its likely the same scenario over again.

Why not do anything about it? It’s completely irrational harboring feelings of longing for a person, when maybe, just maybe, you could be living those things you desire. Of course, if people were like that, there probably wouldn’t be a lot of music about love and desire in the radio. That’s what most music is about: love and desire. Then why are we not doing anything about it? It’s an innate part of being human I guess. Alack, it’s not easy, huh?

***

Maybe your problem is the complete opposite. In the last weeks you have been experiencing something weird: your feelings for your girlfriend have been dwindling. Why? You are doing good, no? Everything is the same as it has been for a long time. Maybe that is the problem? Maybe the passion has gone?

You come inside her and roll over to lie next to her. You feel empty. You feel like its all wrong. You turn off the light but you don’t feel like holding her and touch her as you used to. You lie awake thinking about everything that has happened over the span of your relationship. Finally you fall asleep but the next morning things are the same. You kiss her goodbye as she leaves for work, but it doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel like kissing a girlfriend. Some time ago you stopped using the tongue and she feels the lack of passion as well, but she doesn’t say anything afraid of what you might feel. You know that she is more involved than you, which makes the whole situation much worse.

During the day you receive loving messages. You answer them as you usually do, but again, you feel empty. You don’t look forward to the next message, but instead hope that she would not write you as much. In the afternoon you go and get a beer with a couple of good friends to seek their advice. One says that you should try to fight for it. ‘She seems so great’ he says, trying to ask you what might have gone wrong and what you might do to get it back on track. Another says that you should leave her. ‘You know what’ he says. ‘Maria says that one of her friends has a good eye on you. Maybe you should move on, you know?’

You try to think it all over again – to get to a point where you know what to do. It’s a difficult situation. ‘We were planning to move together next month’ you think. Should you give all that up? You are confused. As in the first story it all ends on what you eventually do yourself. Your friends don’t know what is best for you. They don’t know your girlfriend the same way as the girls’ friends doesn’t really know the guy she is obsessed with. How could they ever give you good advice? It’s your choice ultimately.

Maybe you decide not to do much about it. You move together and all is good for the first couple of months. The excitement of the new apartment overrules the state of the relationship. But as time passes the problem surfaces yet again. You finally end up breaking up. She can’t take the situation anymore.

***

You are sitting by yourself thinking. Maybe you are the girl, maybe the guy. You could be both. You wonder if things would have been different if you followed your desires and feelings. But fear got the best of you. It made you do nothing in a situation where any action would have been better. You know that. But the likelihood is that you continue in the same pattern. Such is the irrational man; those are the feelings that we fight with. Can we win? That my friend,will be up to you.

Post scriptum

The above is a first draft (I haven’t even edited a single word yet) of a script I am working with for a short film that I might like to do with a friend of mine. It is not that developed and the format is not well thought out. But its theme is love, passion and desire and humans not following through – Intrinsic humanness. It is a part of a series that I am envisioning about the irrationality that we are all fighting with. First part (this part) will be about love, and then others will follow such as one about career.